Monday January 13th, 2014
Google issued an apology to Germany over an error on Google Maps through which for the 64th consecutive year, the world was reminded of the occurrence of World War II, an event described by white people as "really awkward." Due to a glitch Google has not yet explained, an historic plaza in Berlin officially named "Theodor-Heuss-Platz," after the first post-war president, was found to be listed as "Adolf Hitler Platz." It is indeed really awkward, as the reference is so taboo that in German, iPhone autocorrects the word "Hitler" to a blank space.
In a vicious protest against the 2014 Sochi winter olympic games, Northern America has stolen winter from Northern Europe and Russia, issuing the subtle statement that "Russia doesn’t even deserve all of this snow," adding that they promise to return the cold weather soon, when Russia allows flamboyancy for the whole nation, not just Putin alone, who is "always shirtless and on a horse."
Former isreali Prime Minister Ariel Sharon dies after an 8 year coma following a stroke. At the funeral on Monday January 13th, referring to Sharon as "The Bulldozer," former-former British Prime Minster Tony Blair said that Sharon had left "considerable debris in his wake." The statement elicited loud coughing from 103% of Palestine.
In a metaphoric sigh of relief, Scotland re-tuned its national bagpipe after H.R.M.’s Treasury of the United Kingdom issued a statement noting that in the event of Scottish independence from the United Kingdom "the continuing UK government would in all circumstances honour the contractual terms of the debt issued by the UK Government," adding that Scotland would only be responsible for servicing a "fair and proportionate share" of such debt liabilities, causing Scotland’s national bagpipe to resume playing ‘Flouer o Scotland‘ an octave higher, and off-key.