We must be careful not to lose our classical roots, and other such statements that one muses over when one has consumed far too many G&Ts, sitting on the back of a safari vehicle, watching the sun fall behind graceful hills, lengthening the already-long shadows of mega-queer giraffes as they nonchalantly watch a small pride of lionesses feasting upon a freshly-mauled springbok doe. Watching this scene, I longed for a dramatic opera. Something like Tristes Apprets, Pales Flambeaux. Glory and death, etc. This is not reality, this is actuality. In the wild, one is reminded of a bunch of important things. Your own annoying mortality, as an example. You can‘t get away from death, not even if you‘re Walt Disney. I hope KrioRus will be able to eventually wake me from my cryonic nap.

It would be unfair for me to pity the springbok which the lions had slain. Later, I would also be dining on springbok carpaccio back at Longlee Manor, the colonial retreat at Shamwari. Just as I am reminded on each occasion that I pretend to dine at the Buddhist temple outside Johannesburg, ‘one must eat so that one is fulfilled with the energy to perform goodness.’ Circle of life etc. Here at Longlee, I would also be dining on crème brûlée. This reminds me that I evolved more efficiently than the lion, causing me to return to my suite and have another existential crisis while bathing because of the minibar. Lions can make neither whiskey, nor whisky, so fuck them.

goodness.’ Circle of life etc. Here at Longlee, I would also be dining on crème brûlée. This reminds me that I evolved more efficiently than the lion, causing me to return to my suite and have another existential crisis while bathing, because of the minibar. Lions can make neither whiskey nor whisky, so fuck them.

*  *  *

Time had passed, perhaps a day. ??? I was laying by the poolside, watching a herd of zebra grazing out on the lawns beyond, listening to a new Woodkid song, drinking homemade lemonade. One must always be mindful of the unfortunate fact that such picturesque scenes are seldom not accompanied by sunburned, obese British narwhales, who are most likely passed out and snoring, as in this case. In a society driven be finance, this sorry example of a physical being is able to live on in prosper, not be instead set adrift on an ice flow by his Inuit tribe, for having been too great a burden on the group’s resources.

My Austrian friends and I dined later with a Russian couple. The husband had made his fortune selling car dashboard cameras through the insurance industry, to people keen to upload something bizarre onto youtube. What a time to be alive. Going on safari always elicits these sentiments from me, due to being surrounded by the wonder of raw nature which contrasts the absurdity of modern human folly. This is perhaps why the lodge offers spa treatments and serves beautiful cuisine, because what removes existential doubt from a person if not well-presented five-star dishes, and wine? We are a superior species and we dine with silverware, not our hands. Pity the lion, he hath no drink.

Long Lee Manor

at Shamwari Game Reserve,

Eastern Cape of southern Africa

animal pictured: Quagga

(hunted to extinction. well done, morons)